Sept. 24 in Italy - Shopping and the Polizia

I wake this morning at 5:15am, to call my kids before bedtime. The standard ritual morphs into them singing to me, since I am barely coherent. I can only imagine what the occupants in the next room think. Particularly this morning, when I woke myself up even earlier, talking in my sleep to a salesperson about the pair of boots that I did NOT stop and look at when I was in Lucca yesterday with Francesco. I mean, who would be so uncool as to shop for boots when with a business associate? Truth is, he probably would have approved. Deeper truth? Big mistake. BIG. I will regret it this winter, I swear.

So, can I console myself by looking at houses? Si certo! I have un'appuntamente with Johannes in Orvieto. But first, an adventure on the Autostrada.

My theory about the Italian Autostradi is this. As long as you are driving (Sigmar, you can stop laughing), it can be a very relaxing place. I have put on mascara on the A45, photographed Orvieto from the A1, texted to friends on the A12, gotten tendonitis in my left wrist from passing too much. And there was that famous $75 toll on the last trip (we figured that one out, Francesco and I). But I have never been stopped by the dreaded Polizia di Stato. If you have the time, check this out...www.youtube.com/watch?v=UiJXQIQxzcc. Lamborghini, for cryin' out loud. I didn't think that anyone got stopped. There are no maximum speed limits posted, unless it is to slow down. Mainly I just try to keep up.

The A1 is a little congested. Construction. Remember Orvieto? It's a….long drive. But much shorter when you are going very fast. I make two mistakes. I do one thing right.

First. I forget that I am not driving the Audi A4 from the last trip. This time I have my little teeny weeny Fiat Punto with, forgive me, a lawnmower motor under the hood.

Second. I forget that the Polizia drive blue cars, leading me to miss the middle car in a typical Italian formation (10 cm between bumpers), and drive right past in the fast lane, cell phone in hand. I try to ignore the blue light (currently not flashing), stash the phone, and do the Italian thing….I stare straight ahead.

They do the Italian thing….these two hotties in uniform. (You really have to watch the uTube to appreciate. I swear that they are the same guys that stopped me!) They drive pull out of formation, adjust their sunglasses, and drive next to me for a kilometer or so. Then, instead of the blue light, they pull slightly ahead, and the officer gracefully sticks his hand out of the window, and points to the side of the road. Twice. Very slowly. It's like something out of a Looney Tunes cartoon. Roger Rabbit. I'm sorry, but I'm holding back a chuckle, and repeating to myself. Don't speak Italian. Don't speak Italian.

The reason for this is basic. They really don't want to ticket tourists. But they kind of like to harass ex-pats. I'm driving with IT plates. Many thanks to Mike T. for this advice. I owe you.

They stop. Climb out of their car with attitude coming out of their ears. And I shout out "Hi! I'm sorry, but I don't speak Italian!" So they make a big show of not speaking any English, signaling for me to open the hood while yelling at me in Italian. I pop the hood and ask "is there something wrong with my engine?" And they say, essentially, "yes, it is too small". One officer licks his finger and pretends to touch the engine block and makes a hissing sound. The other looks in the trunk for good measure, they make hand signals for me to slow down. And leave.

I know it sounds like being an ugly American, but these are not inexpensive tickets. And the truth is, how fast you can go is determined by the size of your engine. I call Johannes to tell him I've been stopped, he says no problem, and the day progresses. Just another day on the Autostrada.

Orvieto is always a dream. I simply love this area. Johannes takes me to one beautiful restoration that really doesn't need help. It is stunning, and the couple is on their third restoration, and has just gone on the market.

The next is my favorite of the trip so far, and with enough work left to do to make our services make sense. Etruscan caves in the hillside. Nestled in a little valley. I LIKE this place. The next are near Todi, moving inland. I love Umbria and these are close enough to be very viable offerings.

On the way to one I am following Johannes and a dip in the road throws my little car into fits. I recover, and think I've escaped notice...as we stop he says "How was the off-road driving? I saw the cloud of dust." Can't get away with anything.

Status on goal achievement:

- 3 days down, 1 to go

- 0 weight gain (I have hope. Johannes does not believe in lunch.)

- 15 homes viewed, 25 to go (looking scary)

- 3 agencies visited, 1 added, 2 to go

- 1 attorney (definitely a phone call)